its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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