Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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