Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
