What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
