I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
