oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
