Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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