i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
