So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
