these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I AM VODKA MAN
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
