He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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