I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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