1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
