the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
