Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
