dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
