She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
