I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
