Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize