when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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