What did we do last night that was yellow?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
