I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
