I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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