This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
