What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
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If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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