shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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