threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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