Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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