Ambien. No doubt about it.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
