you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
