worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize