Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
