pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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