dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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