After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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