tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We are two peas in an std pod
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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