Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We left the knife in your bed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
