I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
