While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
