Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
