just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize