As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
