The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
