separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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