making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
