she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
