My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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