this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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