This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
