Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
being pregnant is like rehab
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
