College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
