I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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