I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
