After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
