I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
