Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
