You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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