holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
