I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
