so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
