Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
