my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My penis needs a shock collar
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
