I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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