I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
