Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize