I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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