Your face is a jimmy john
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
my liver is dry heaving
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
