what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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