that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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