dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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