I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
