woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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