My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
