shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
from now on my penis is your penis
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize